The spiral down into mental unwellness
Ever know what it’s like to wake up in a cold sweat terrified about the day ahead? What about hiding in the bathrooms at work crying, feeling like it’s all too much? What about feeling that rising fear just because you know you have to go to work but you know you can’t make it, so you crawl back under your covers wishing the day would go away? What about standing in the shower feeling like a pit of despair is opening up around you and you don’t know how you’re going to struggle to stay out of it? Or feel sick at the thought of having to be brave and be part of something you don’t believe in?
Have you ever felt any of those things? I have. I hate to admit it, but I have felt them all.
Those moments can feel endless. Like there is no way out. I look back at those moments in time when I have felt untethered to something safe and secure. It’s at these times when we are at our loneliest, when we don’t feel like we belong. We don’t feel like anyone cares about us. These moments in time are our greatest moments of risk. We make bad decisions, we are more likely to get into an accident, we are more likely to have a headache, get a cold, eat too much, exercise too much, drink too much, stay on social media too long, self-destruct and escape. It’s at these moments we stop looking after ourselves and we stop looking after people around us. Accidents start to happen. Mistakes at work. Relationships break. We are present but we aren’t contributing. We are unwell.
Practical steps to help prevent someone sliding into mental unwellness
Community is one of the biggest protective factors for mental wellbeing. Research has shown time and again that as social beings we are designed to be part of a community, a tribe, a group of humans that we can call “our people”. Your perception about who genuinely cares for you is the critical component here.
This is where large workplaces tend to go wrong. There is an assumption that if enough money is put into a paid intervention then everyone will feel happy and connected but we all know that isn’t true.
Several reasons why some interventions for supporting workers at work to feel well doesn’t work:
- The large majority of interventions paid for by employers are not evidence based. What you will see are organisations paying large quantities of money and not getting results.
- People know when interventions are not genuine. This is really important because human instinct is so good that people know when they are being offered something that ticks a company box versus a company just doing the right thing.
- Most interventions try to fix the “person” and rarely look at the “group”. If you don’t target the group dynamics, then you will struggle with the people dynamics.
I once worked at place that was insanely toxic. What made it worse was that life outside work wasn’t the best either so when combined it had a catastrophic impact on my health. What saved me at the time was the caring love and support of one person. This treasured friend instinctively operated on caring, kindness and connection. Every day for close to four years they would check in on me. Sometimes for a moment, sometimes for a walk at lunch. Somehow in their busy day they always found time to find me, to check in. To genuinely see if I was ok. They could see me struggling even when I couldn’t see it myself. I didn’t realise what they were doing at the time, but they created that one genuine relationship for me that helped me move forward.
Research has shown that having one person in your life who you genuinely care about and who cares about you is the biggest protective factor to reduce the feeling of pain. Other research found out that the reason we feel “pain” when we feel alone or rejected is because it’s firing the same brain centre as physical pain. It becomes a double whammy!
A genuine relationship protects you against the storm.
Genuine relationships act like umbrella’s in the rain so you can stay dry for a little while to sort yourself out and stay with you while the storm passes.
We recently ran a few surveys. We asked people in a few different industries, health, manufacturing, finance about what could your employer do to make you feel like you are appreciated and belong at work and overwhelmingly the answer was so Australian and so simple. It was – put on a BBQ or pay for us to have lunch together. People want to be allowed to be together to form genuine relationships that aren’t always about work.
For four years of the particular work place I was in, I could feel myself slowly moving from not wanting to get out of bed to bounding out of bed. I became excited to go to work, to get dressed, to wash my hair, to take care of myself again. I didn’t even know why at first but then it dawned on me that I loved showing up every day, not because of my job but because I knew someone would be happy to see me when I showed up and for that experience, I will forever be grateful. That moment in time showed me that genuinely caring about people created one of the best beginnings of a mental wellness intervention for me.
We need rethink how we as large organisations create community and connection. If your workplace is toxic, if your interventions aren’t working then maybe go back to the drawing board and remember all people want is to feel like they belong.
What can you do to help create genuine communities in your life or workplace?
For more information on how to create genuine communities at work to reduce risk contact us at www.howesafe.com or call Caroline +61 406 990 816 or email – caroline@howesafe.com
